Glossary

A glossary of kink and sex terms for couples

New ideas come with new words. Here are the ones you’ll meet as you start exploring kink, BDSM, swinging and open relationships, each explained plainly and without judgement.

If a word makes you curious, follow its link to see where it can lead. Wondering which ones your partner is curious about too? The Yes, No, Maybe list lets you find out without asking.

Updated 6 October 2026

A

Aftercare

The care you give each other after an intense scene or a night of play: closeness, a blanket, water, a few kind words. It helps you both land softly, and it matters for the one who led as much as for the one who followed. Without it, some people feel a dip in mood a day later, often called a drop.

Read more: BDSM for beginner couplesSee also: Scene

B

BDSM

An umbrella word for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism: play built on restraint, power and intense sensation, which everyone involved has agreed to. Most couples start with something light, like a blindfold or a held wrist.

Bi-curious

Curious about intimacy with someone of the same sex, without needing a label for it. For a couple, it often starts as a shared fantasy, or a kiss at a party with your partner right beside you.

Read more: Exploring bi-curiosity as a coupleSee also: Threesome

Bondage

Restraining a partner for pleasure, with anything from a silk tie or soft cuffs to rope. The appeal is often less the restraint itself than the trust it takes and the feeling of letting go.

Read more: BDSM for beginner couplesSee also: Shibari

Bottom

The partner on the receiving end of an activity, whether that’s being tied, teased or blindfolded. It describes the action, not the power: a bottom isn’t necessarily submissive.

C

CNC (consensual non-consent)

A roleplay in which one partner acts as if they don’t want what’s happening, while both agreed to every part of it beforehand. Because “no” is part of the script, couples who play it agree on a separate signal that really means stop.

Read more: Roleplay ideas for couplesSee also: Safeword

Collar

A collar worn as a sign of belonging in a dominance and submission relationship, from leather at home to a discreet necklace worn every day. Being given one can mean as much to some couples as a ring.

Read more: Dominance and submission for couplesSee also: Protocol

Compersion

The happiness you feel when your partner enjoys someone else: the opposite of jealousy. The word comes up often among swingers and in open and polyamorous relationships.

Read more: How to open your relationshipSee also: Polyamory

Cuckold

A man who is turned on by his partner being with another man, whether he watches, simply knows or hears about it afterwards. For many, part of the thrill is the jealousy itself, felt on purpose.

D

D/s (dominance and submission)

A dynamic in which one partner takes control and the other gives it up, for a scene, an evening or as an everyday part of the relationship. It’s about power rather than pain, and it can be entirely gentle.

Dirty talk

Saying out loud what you want, what you feel or what you’re about to do, in the moment or by text during the day. It ranges from a whispered compliment to a whole running story, and it gets easier with practice.

E

Edging

Bringing yourself or your partner close to climax and then easing off, again and again, so the final release is stronger. It’s the simplest form of orgasm control.

Exhibitionism

The thrill of being seen, or of the chance of being seen: a daring outfit, a lingering kiss in a crowded bar, being watched by your partner or by others at a party. Couples keep the bolder parts for people who want to watch.

Read more: Exhibitionism and voyeurism for couplesSee also: Voyeurism

F

Fetish

A strong sexual attraction to a specific object, material, body part or situation, like feet, latex or uniforms. Strictly, a fetish is something a person needs in order to feel aroused; in everyday speech it means anything that reliably turns you on.

H

Hard limit

Something a person will never do: not negotiable, and not up for discussion in the heat of the moment. Knowing each other’s hard limits is what makes everything else feel safe to try.

Read more: Yes, No, MaybeSee also: Soft limit, Yes, No, Maybe list

Hotwife

A wife or girlfriend who sleeps with other men with her partner’s knowledge and encouragement. Compared with cuckolding, the focus is usually on her pleasure and her partner’s pride rather than on his jealousy.

I

Impact play

Striking the body for sensation, from a playful spank to paddles and floggers. Couples start light, on well-padded areas, and build up slowly.

Read more: BDSM for beginner couplesSee also: S&M (sadomasochism)

K

Kink

Any sexual interest outside the conventional, from blindfolds and roleplay to bondage. Most people have a kink or two, and the word covers the mild as well as the wild.

Read more: Ideas by themeSee also: Fetish, Vanilla

L

Lifestyle

“The lifestyle” is what swingers often call swinging and the world around it: the clubs, the parties and the couples who go to them.

Read more: Swinging for beginner couplesSee also: Swinging

M

Monogamish

A committed couple who are mostly monogamous but agree on some exceptions, like a kiss at a party or a threesome now and then. The rules are theirs to set.

Read more: How to open your relationshipSee also: Open relationship

N

Negotiation

Talking before a scene or a new experience about what you both want, what’s off the table and how you’ll signal to stop. It can be a long talk or a two-minute check, and it’s far less formal than it sounds.

Read more: Talking about fantasiesSee also: Hard limit, Safeword

O

Open relationship

A committed relationship in which partners agree they may see or sleep with other people, under rules they set together. Swinging, hotwifing and polyamory are all kinds of openness, each with its own rules.

Read more: How to open your relationshipSee also: Monogamish, Polyamory, Swinging

Orgasm control

One partner decides when, or whether, the other may climax. It can last a few minutes or a few days, and it’s a common part of D/s and of tease and denial.

Read more: Tease and denial for couplesSee also: Edging, Tease and denial

P

Pegging

A woman penetrating her male partner with a strap-on. For many couples the appeal is as much the swap of the usual roles as the sensation itself.

Pet play

Roleplay in which one partner takes on the role of an animal, most often a puppy or a kitten, and the other cares for or trains them. It’s usually more playful and affectionate than it sounds.

R

Roleplay

Taking on characters together, like strangers meeting at a bar or a couple with a secret, and playing out the scene. It needs no props, just a premise you both agree on.

S

S&M (sadomasochism)

Taking pleasure in giving (sadism) or receiving (masochism) intense sensation, often pain, in a setting both partners have agreed to. It’s the “SM” in BDSM.

Read more: BDSM for beginner couplesSee also: BDSM, Impact play

Safeword

A word agreed on in advance that stops a scene at once, no questions asked. It’s chosen to be something you’d never say by accident, like “pineapple”, so that “no” and “stop” can stay part of the game.

Scene

One session of kinky play with a beginning and an end: what you agreed on beforehand, the play itself and the aftercare. “The scene” also means the kink community as a whole.

T

Tantric sex

A slow, mindful approach to intimacy rooted in tantra: breathing together, long eye contact and unhurried touch, with the focus on connection rather than on reaching orgasm.

U

Unicorn

A single person, most often a bisexual woman, who joins a couple for a threesome or for something longer. The name comes from how rare such people are said to be.

Read more: Threesome ideas for couplesSee also: Threesome

V

Vanilla

Conventional sex without kink. It isn’t an insult: most kinky couples enjoy plenty of vanilla too.

W

Wax play

Dripping warm wax onto the skin for the contrast of heat and touch. Couples use low-temperature candles made for it, never ordinary ones, and start from a height.

Read more: Sensory play ideas for couplesSee also: Sensory play

Y

Yes, No, Maybe list

A list of activities each partner marks yes, no or maybe on their own, then compares, to find shared desires without awkward questions. Ours shows you only what you both chose.

Read more: Yes, No, MaybeSee also: Hard limit, Soft limit

Questions

What’s the difference between a kink and a fetish?

A kink is any sexual interest outside the conventional, from a blindfold to bondage. A fetish, strictly, is an attraction to a specific object, material or body part that someone needs in order to feel aroused, though in everyday speech people use the two words almost interchangeably.

Is kink the same as BDSM?

BDSM is one big part of kink: restraint, power and intense sensation. But kink also covers roleplay, exhibitionism, swinging and plenty more that has nothing to do with BDSM.

Do we need to know these words to explore?

No. They’re just handy labels. What matters is that you both say what you want and what you don’t, in whatever words feel natural to you.