Exploring bi-curiosity as a couple

What being bi-curious means

Bi-curiosity is interest, not a label. You don’t need to know what it says about you, and you don’t need to decide anything to explore it. It works for either partner, and for any couple.

For the partner who isn’t curious, it can come as a surprise, and that’s fine. Many find it exciting to watch someone they love discover something new, and to be the first person they tell.

Where to start

Start where nobody else is involved. Curiosity often gets clearer once it’s been said out loud.

Say it out loud

Tell your partner, in a relaxed moment, what you’ve wondered about: who you notice, what you imagine. Keep it light. Our guide to talking about fantasies has ways to bring it up.

Watch together

Watch something together that features the gender you’re curious about, and talk about what catches your eye. Your partner gets to see what draws you, with nobody else in the room.

A compliment, then a flirt

On a night out, pay someone of that gender a compliment, or let a conversation turn flirty, with your partner close by. Nothing has to happen. Notice how it felt, and tell each other on the way home.

Where it can lead

After the first flirt, the steps come closer: a kiss at a party with your partner watching, then, if you both want it, a whole night with someone of that gender, with your partner in the room, watching or joining in.

This path crosses others. With a third in your bed it meets threesomes, with another couple it meets swinging, and if you’d rather explore on your own and tell each other after, that’s opening up.

Making it work

• No labels needed. You can explore without deciding what it makes you.
• Keep your partner close. Agree on each step together, and keep them near at every one.
• The curious one sets the pace. The other supports, and either of you can pause at any point.
• Choose kind people. Someone who knows you’re a couple and is easy about it makes all the difference.
• Protection still applies. If it goes further, testing and protection matter as with anyone new.

Bi-curiosity in the game

In the game, the bi-curious path starts with watching together and moves through a flirt and a kiss to a whole night, always with your partner there. It works the same whichever of you is curious. Each of you likes the dares that tempt you in private, and a dare only unlocks once you’ve both liked it; if only one of you likes it, the other never finds out. Nervous to say it first? The Yes, No, Maybe list lets you find out whether it’s welcome without asking.

Questions