Sex toys for couples: where to start

What toys bring to a couple

For a couple, a toy isn’t a replacement for anything. It’s an addition: a vibrator that adds to what you already do, something one of you wears, a remote that lets the other decide when it switches on.

The real change is in what toys make possible. A toy can stay on all evening. It can be controlled from across a restaurant, or from another city. It can make one of you the one who decides, with nothing more than a button.

Where to start

Start by choosing together. The conversation about what to buy is half the fun, and often the most revealing part.

Browsing side by side

Sit down with a laptop and look through a shop’s website together. Each of you points out one thing that makes you curious and one that makes you laugh. Then agree on one to try: not the biggest or the cleverest, just the one you both want.

Something small and simple

A small vibrator is the classic first toy for a couple, because it fits into what you already do instead of changing it. Simple beats clever the first time.

Opening the parcel

Save it for a night you’ve planned and open it together. Reading the instructions out loud to each other is sillier, and more fun, than it sounds.

Where it can lead

Once a toy is part of your evenings, the next steps are about where it goes and who holds the controls. Buying one in person, at a shop counter, saying what you want out loud, is a small dare of its own. Wearing one all evening, through dinner with friends or the walk home, turns an ordinary night into a private one.

Remote controls take it further: one of you wears the toy on a date and the other decides when it switches on, which is tease and denial with a button. At the far end, the remote doesn’t have to stay with your partner at all, and that’s where toys start to meet exhibitionism and voyeurism.

Making it work

• Start with one. One toy you both chose beats a box of things neither of you is sure about.
• Use it together. A toy works best when it’s something you do as a couple, often with one of you in charge of it.
• Keep it clean and charged. Wash it after use and charge it before you need it: nothing ends a moment faster than a dead battery.
• Laugh at the buzzing. Toys are noisy, clumsy and sometimes ridiculous the first time. That’s part of it.

Sex toys in the game

In the game, sex toys are a path of dares that starts with choosing your first one together and grows step by step: buying one in person, wearing one through an evening, a remote on a date, and eventually handing the controls to someone new. Many dares have a part for each of you: one who wears it and one who decides. Each of you likes the dares that tempt you in private, and a dare only unlocks once you’ve both liked it. Not sure your partner would want to try one? The Yes, No, Maybe list lets you find out without asking.

Questions