How to get on Raya: referrals, the waitlist and discretion

Raya, the dating app with a guest list

Raya calls itself “a private global community” for “dating, friendship, or professional networking,” where members “connect beyond their existing circles.” Membership is “by application only.” Daniel Gendelman launched it in Los Angeles in 2015, and the name is Hebrew for “friend.” It sits in our guide to dating apps with one twist: here, getting a profile at all is the first hurdle.

When Raya turned ten, Metro was writing about its reputation as the “Soho House of dating apps,” and the comparison explains the pull. Curation is the product, and being chosen is a thrill of its own: before anyone has liked your photos, a committee has decided you belong. The early buzz ran on fear of missing out, and self-presentation is part of the game (“Raya’s the place where people compare personal brands,” a former user told The New Yorker). There’s trust in it, too. “On Raya everyone has to be verified,” one member told Metro, and a dating coach there added that the vetting can give shy people the nerve to sign up at all.

The practical bits

• Apple only. Raya says it “currently isn’t available on Android,” and accepted members “will need to use an Apple device.” As of October 2026 it runs on iPhone (iOS 17 or later) and Apple Vision.
• A paid membership. Accepted members pay for an auto-renewing membership of 1, 6 or 12 months. There’s a premium tier, Raya+, and the App Store lists extras called Skip the Wait, Direct Requests and Extra Likes, which Raya’s own pages don’t explain. There are no refunds, even after a removal, and Raya says a lapsed membership may mean applying again.
• Adults only. Raya is 18+, and it says it “very often” checks applicants’ ID.
• Mostly dating. Friendship and networking are on the menu, but according to a 2025 Wall Street Journal report, most of the activity on Raya is dating.

How to get on Raya: the application and the dinner-party test

The application

You can start on the web, with your phone number, name, birth date, email, job and Instagram username, among other details. Referrals from members are added in the iPhone app, and they matter: in Raya’s own words, “applications with referrals are more likely to get accepted.”

Who decides

Algorithms, plus “hundreds of committee members” around the world who don’t know who the others are. Their brief is that dinner party for 10, and they weigh three things: your work, “familiarity” (that’s the referrals) and “something extra.” A decision takes anything from “a day to a few months.”

Who doesn’t get in

Anyone under 18, anyone who shows hate or bullying in public, and, in a line that deserves to be framed, anyone with “excessive shows of wealth.” The rented-yacht photo shoot is working against you.

Making your case

• Ask someone who knows you. The best referral comes from a member who has actually sat across a table from you. Skip the referral market: Reddit users sell them, and members there warn hopefuls about scams.
• Treat your Instagram as the cover letter. It’s on your application and it’ll be on your profile. Let it show your work and your life, the things you make and the places you love, rather than your bank balance.
• Know your “something extra.” It’s the story you’d tell at that dinner party: the odd skill, the strange job, the trip that went sideways. If you can’t name it, ask a friend. They’ll know.

The Raya waitlist, decoded

The web application shows two outcomes: accepted or waitlisted. Raya says it reviews the waitlist “continually” and sends a push notification if your status changes. It doesn’t say whether a waitlist place is a polite no, so don’t take it as a verdict on you: the committee is planning a dinner party, not grading your life. While you wait, you can’t see who’s a member, which is rather the point.

Inside the club: a daily batch, Maps and the Directory

Once you’re in, Raya offers three ways to meet people “nearby or across the world”: Daily Recommendations, Maps and the Directory. The daily part is literal. You get a batch of profiles rather than an endless scroll, and as a member who joined in September 2025 put it a few months later, “when you’re done, you’re done.” She also found browsing other cities and nearby neighborhoods limited unless you upgrade. Back in 2021, The New Yorker described Maps as showing who was active in your city, and the Directory as a way to search members by city, industry or company.

What a profile shows

Your first name, age, city, hometown, bio, photos, Instagram username and the Instagram accounts you both follow. Photos play as a slideshow, which you can set to a song (not everyone does). And when two members like each other, the privacy policy says, the mutual like “enables you to chat.”

Travel is the secret weapon

Because the community is global, members match across cities, and one member told Metro that profiles can show travel plans. A weekend away becomes a chance to meet someone who knows the city’s best table.

So, is Raya worth it?

It depends what you came for. If you want fewer, more deliberate introductions and a pool someone has already vetted, the appeal is obvious. The flip side, in members’ own reviews, is that a curated list is also a shorter one: they mention quiet chats, few bios and small local pools in some cities. Add a paid membership and an iPhone, and that’s the whole trade. If you’re weighing it against other dating apps, see our pages on Tinder and Hinge.

Flirting on Raya, an app of subtext

Raya’s rules are strict, and they don’t stop at the app. Its terms ban sending sexually explicit material to Raya or to “any other user (either on or off the Service),” so the rule still applies after you swap numbers. They also ban explicit statements, asking any member for money and commercial self-promotion. And there are no interest tags about desire, as one member noticed. The heat, in other words, lives in the subtext. Luckily, subtext is where flirting has always been at its best.

• Start with the song. If their slideshow has one, that’s your opener: what it says about them, or what you’d play next.
• Use the mutual follows. An account you both follow is a ready-made inside joke. Pick the strangest one.
• Be the one who writes something real. Quiet chats are a common complaint, so a warm, specific first line stands out.
• Flirt with the city. If one of you is traveling, name the bar you’d take them to, and hold back why.
• Promise, don’t describe. “There’s a story I only tell in person” does more than any photo could, and it keeps you inside the rules.

Raya’s screenshot rule, its NDAs and staying discreet

Discretion is written into the contract. Raya’s terms forbid “disclosing the identity of any user” and “taking screenshots or otherwise copying, disclosing or sharing content from the app.” Staff and committee members are under “strict non-disclosure agreements.” Only accepted members can see profiles. And the rules have teeth: The New Yorker reported a member who was removed after posting a match’s video on TikTok.

Who’s on Raya?

It’s the question everyone asks, and plenty of pages online try to answer it. We won’t name anyone, and if you get in, you shouldn’t either: naming a member is exactly what the terms forbid. The quiet is part of what members pay for.

Your discretion toolkit

• Hide or pause. Both keep your chats while new members stop seeing you. Handy when you’ve met someone, or just need a breather.
• Location. Showing your specific location is optional, and you can give the app location access always, only while in use, or never.
• A private Instagram stays private. Raya says “only the content you choose to share with Raya users will be visible.”
• Check your permissions. The App Store privacy label lists precise location, contacts and sensitive info among the data linked to you.

What rules can’t stop

No rule, however strict, stops someone photographing a screen with another phone. Your Instagram is on your profile, too, so a match can find you there; one App Store reviewer describes a match who kept pushing after finding hers. Our Instagram page has more on keeping that side of you private. Keep anything explicit away from Raya matches, on the app or off it, as its terms require. And whenever you share a spicy picture with someone you trust, frame out your face, your tattoos and any room a mutual friend might recognize, and turn off location in the photo’s metadata.

Raya for couples: run a members’ club for two

Raya’s own pages describe no couples feature, but you don’t need an account to borrow its best trick: the delicious feeling of being chosen. A members’ club works because someone decided you belong. In a long relationship, that decision was made years ago, so make it again, on purpose.

Apply to each other

Each of you writes an “application” for a night out with the other: your work (what you’d bring to the evening), your familiarity (the moment you knew), and your something extra (one thing you’ve never dared suggest). Swap them over a drink. The committee of one can accept, waitlist with conditions, or ask for a better outfit and a resubmission. It’s the dinner-party test as foreplay for the mind. If the something extra leaves you both blushing, the Yes, No, Maybe list lets each of you tick what tempts you in private.

A slideshow for one

Make each other a Raya-style slideshow: your favorite photos of the other, set to a song, for one pair of eyes only. Sweet if you want it sweet, steamier if the song is. Keep it on your own two phones, never in a shared album.

Strangers at a private club

Arrive separately at a bar with a guest-list feel and play two members who matched on the map tonight. Ask the questions you’d ask a stranger, keep the backstory, and let one of you be hard to impress. It’s a classic roleplay with a ready-made premise. If one of you is a member, Places, a travel and dining guide from the company behind Raya, can set the scene: current members are eligible for a complimentary membership, and it can plan “a single evening” and book the table.

From a Raya match to a safe first date

A committee picks dinner guests; it doesn’t vouch for how anyone behaves on a date. Raya’s terms say it “is not responsible for the conduct of any user or your experience at any in-person meeting,” and that you use the service “at your own risk.” So the usual rules apply, vetted or not.

• Meet in public first. Pick the place, get yourself there and home, and tell a friend where you’ll be and when you’ll check in.
• Money is a red flag. The terms ban asking any member for payment, so a sad story that ends in a transfer request is a reason to report, not reply.
• Report what feels off. Raya says reports come in about “1 out of 11,000 connections.” Rare, by its own count, but the button is there for a reason.
• Consent, every step. Every step gets its own yes, from the second drink on. And never share or forward anyone’s photos without permission: it’s illegal in many places, and sharing content from Raya breaks its terms too.

If someone threatens to share a photo

A vetted pool isn’t immune to sextortion, the scam where someone gets an intimate photo, then demands money to keep it private. If it happens, don’t pay. Stop replying, keep a record of every threat, and report the account to Raya. For adults, StopNCII.org can help stop the images from spreading.

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